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Brenna Bear,

You're in San Diego and I broke up with you only minutes ago. I found out earlier that my mother has four lumps under her arm and one big lump on her left breast... I initially didn't know how to react, so I didn't at all. I didn't feel much of anything other than the usual. I let it sink in and I suddenly realized how alone I am now that you're so far away from me… you’re so far. I felt a similar feeling while you were at the cabin and while I was in Georgia. It seems like when I need you the most you are so, so far… I can’t touch you… I can’t hold you… I can’t kiss you… and any one of those things has the power to cure most of my problems. I didn’t want it to come to this but I felt like I had to pull the trigger and show you how serious I really am… and I hope that you show me that I made a mistake… if I believed in God I would be doing a lot of praying right about now. You hung up on me while I was crying… you knew I was going through a very tough time and that I needed you now more than ever but it seems like that didn’t matter much to you… I know that I said some pretty fucked up things earlier but I was in a bad place… I didn’t care about anything… or I didn’t want to care. I didn’t want to care… so much that I tried pushing you far away so that you would break up with me… I needed you to do it because I didn’t have the strength… breaking up with you was the hardest thing I have ever done but I am hopeful that it will work out in the end. I need you. You’ve made me such a better person and I’ve you. We were two broken pieces when we found each other… and finding each other is what we needed in order to start mending. I feel so much better about myself… I feel so much more confident… I feel happier than I have ever been in my entire life and I owe all of that to you. I can’t lose you… I will go off the rails if this happens… Brenna, you need to call… you need to realize that I need you more than your track team... we need each other. I’m listening to Sigur Ros – Vaka and I want to relive our first kiss...

If things don’t work out I want you to know that I will always love you… you will always be the one. I can’t be with anyone else and I don’t want to… but if I do, they will always be compared to my Brenna Butt. It breaks my heart to think of you having another man’s children and being another man’s wife… it was supposed to be us. It was always supposed to be us and always will be. We were supposed to have beautiful children together… we were supposed to marry each other… I was supposed to make you happy… I was supposed to watch you walk down the aisle in a beautiful dress to The Softies’ Excellent... we were supposed to have a cute wiener dog… we were supposed to travel across the world… we were supposed to have adventures together and get into trouble… we were supposed to experience new things together and collect many more firsts… I was supposed to be so much better for you.

- Your honey